18 Months

I was kind of surprised when 18 months slipped by without me really noticing. I knew it was coming up, and then suddenly it had passed. I don’t feel badly about missing that anniversary and a half. To me it’s an indication of the relatively smooth cycle we’re in. The big events are fewer and farther between. Now it’s a lot of little steps. A new word or sign, showing understanding of things, starting to share toys, and so on.

 

It’s been a busy time since my last post. We’ve picked up everything, and moved to Dawson, Yukon. I had an interesting job opportunity that was worth relocating for. There were some concerns moving out here. While there is a small clinic, there’s no hospital. They’re building one, but until it’s completed the nearest one is a 5-6 hour drive away. There aren’t as many opportunities for them out here. There are a couple of play groups during the week. Fortunately it looks like there was a bit of a baby boom a while back, so there are other children near their age around, and other parents to talk to. Another concern is the future. Dawson is a small town, one that’s very far from a large city. I worry about their opportunities here. I was exposed to a lot as a kid, and it had a significant impact on who I am today. For now though, we’re happy here, and we’ll deal with those issues later.

Kim’s preparing lunch, and the kids need a bit of distracting while she does that. I’ll catch up with you all more later. Sorry there’s no pictures today, I’ll try to have some for my next post.

 

Needles

Today the twins had their one year vaccinations. They got needles stuck in them, they cried for a bit, and are all better now (for the most part). Vaccinations are good for your children and good for society. If you disagree with me, please provide current, unrefuted scientific evidence, or keep your uneducated opinion to yourself.

One Year (and a bit)

Thumbs up for birthday cake!

One year old. It’s funny how that year has at times felt like it was ten years, ans sometimes only felt like it was one month. That’s a bit cliche, to be sure, but who cares? What have I learned in one year of being a father, and being a father of twins? I’m not a big fan of giving advice about raising children for two reasons. I hate getting unsolicited advice, and every child is different. Having twins has reinforced that second part. What works for one does not necessarily work for the other. But you’re still reading this blog post, so I’ll assume that you’re interested in hearing what I have to say, and I’ll try to keep the information generic, and not child specific.

What I have learned:

• You will sleep poorly. You may get used to it. You may not. It’s gotten better for us, but not by chance. We had to work at it.
• Take a lot of photos and video. Especially for those first few months. You will probably sleep the worst during that time, and your recollection of it all may be a bit hazy. Photos and videos will help you remember those early days.
• Twins attract attention. Parents will point them out to their children saying things like, “Look at the twins!”, in a tone much like you might hear at the zoo. “Look at the zebra!” I’m not used to it, but I tolerate it much better.
• People, on noticing your twins will say stupid things, because they want to talk, but have nothing to say.
• Your children are tougher than you think. They stumble, fall crash, smash, thump, bump, and tumble. They probably didn’t even notice.
• Your children are more fragile than you think. The wrong bit of food, a sudden noise, a knee on a pebble, a flash of light, and a million things you never even saw. All of these things can start tears. They need you and want you. Be there for them.
• You are their best friend, favorite toy, and coolest thing. They will light up when they see you, and cry when you leave. They love you no matter what. Return the favour.
• They’ll take their own time to learn things. Encourage them, but don’t force them. This works for feeding, walking, crawling, sitting up, playing, talking, and anything else you can think of. Around six months I was very concerned about their development. Now I just do what I can to help and encourage them. I read and talk to people about good ways to encourage and help them, then adapt the ideas to the twins and our lifestyle.
• Sometimes you’re going to be lost, confused and stressed. It’s part of the process. Accept it, even embrace it. It will pass
• Sometimes you’re going to be ecstatic, overjoyed, and amazed. It’s part of the same process. Enjoy it.
• People will offer advice. They mean well, regardless of the quality of their advice.
• There will be poop.
• Be involved. Every day I wish that I had spent more time with them the day before. It’s going to be heartbreaking for me when I go back to work.
• You will read things and talk to people that will make dads seem like second class parents. You’re not. Parenting is a team effort. Carry your weight, and no matter what anybody says, you will never feel like less of a parent. And to you’re kids, you’re both number one.

Excellent cake, my compliments to the chef.

I could probably keep going for a while, but I’m sure you get the picture. Feel free to add your own insights in the comments if you like.

Thanks for reading.

rjb

Almost a Year Old

It’s beginning to look like four months between posts is the norm for me now. I’m sorry for that. I tend to want to write, rewrite, edit, proof, rewrite, edit and so on before posting. And that sometimes just doesn’t work when you have twins. In a recent job interview, another blogger pointed out that for various reasons, a  less than perfect post has its advantages. I’ve also recently been introduced to the phrase, “Perfect is the enemy of good”. So here’s a good post for you.

To be honest, it may not even be that. So much has happened over the last few months, as can be expected. Even a summary wouldn’t do it justice.

The twins are doing great. They are happy and healthy. Mom and I are doing pretty well ourselves as well. I’ve learned to relax a lot more regarding their development. I still look at websites to see what’s normal for their current age, but I try not to be too concerned when they’re not where they “should” be. The differences between one and the other are so great at times that I can see how talking about what’s normal for children of a certain age is a joke.

Who wants Daddy's hat?

So how are they developing? Well, they stand more or less on their own now. Once in a while they’ll take a tentative step or two when they’re not thinking about it. We’re all still working on mastering solid food. They eat fine when fed from a spoon, and like finger food. They still think spoons are for banging on things, and not feeding themselves.  Kim and I are changing what and how we eat, and I’m trying to make more foods that we can give to them while we eat. I still need a lot more work in that department. They know a couple of ASL signs, but rarely think to use them. Sometimes we’ll notice that they sign for “milk” or “food” and we’ll get them something. Of course it’s hard to tell what’s a sign and what isn’t. We just assume that it is, and hope that it reinforces the behavior. They don’t really use words, but they’re starting to get certain sounds down. They also both like to clap when in the right mood. And they love their kazoos. We bought a couple of them yesterday, and by the end of the day they both had a pretty good idea how to use them.

The most significant thing to report on is sleep. For a long time, every night our routine was somewhat erratic. We’d feed them and put them to bed roughly at the same time. Very roughly. And putting them to bed meant giving them a bottle, holding them, rocking them, gently putting them down, picking them up when they cry, trying again, and again, and again. This process was less than fun. It was also made worse because Spark started to dislike her crib a lot. More or less no matter how tired she was she would cry and scream when you put her in it. Eventually we stopped using the crib and put some blankets on the floor for her, which solved that problem. They would fall asleep anytime between 7pm and 10 pm. Then they would wake up at night, and we’d rush to get up with them, so one doesn’t wake the other. A bottle, a change of diaper, some rocking, and hopefully back to sleep. This would happen two to six or more times every night, for five minutes to two hours each time.  Which is no fun. Something needed to be done.

After some research, we decided on sleep training, and a method. I’m not going to go into the details, since this post is already getting a bit long. In short, in a couple of  days Spark started to fall asleep in her crib, and at night does so easily. we started a very regular bedtime  routine, and it has mad a difference. When they wake up at night they generally can soothe themselves back to sleep. For now they are sleeping in different rooms so that they don’t wake each other easily. We hope to get them back into the same room before long.

Daytime naps are a problem though. Silas does OK, but Spark still hates her crib during the day, and has trouble being put down for naps. We’re working on various solutions. I’ll let you know how that goes.

I could probably keep writing, but until I get a self-cleaning house, there’s work to be done. I hope to talk to you all again soon. Certainly sooner than for months from now.

Coming up on 8 months

Sigh.

My last post was 4 months ago. Twins make life busy, but not that busy. A lot has happened over the lat 4 months, and instead of trying to sum up events, I’ll try to sum up the experiences.

The babies are doing well, and have been doing well. That’s not to say that they’ve been in perfect health the whole time. Silas had a high fever a while back that had us wondering if we should take him to the hospital. Spark has been teething for what seems like forever, without cutting a tooth. Teething has been unfun for her. Enough that we’ve been to the hospital/ clinic a few times because of the pain she’s been in. The doctors mutter something about it probably being teething, and move on. They’ve had most of their shots. They’re miserable for a day or two after, but feel better later. Come to think of it that’s what gave Silas his fever last month.

Kim and I are doing well. I wish we had more family out here, so that we could leave the twins with them and head out for a date or something more often. We could use more time together, but spending time with the babies isn’t exactly a hardship.

A while back, Holly sent us this video, which nicely sums up what going out with twins can be like.

I think for myself, the biggest thing has been not letting the twins keep me in the house. While Kim was out working, I spent a lot of time at home with the twins, not grabbing the stroller and going for walks. There was some inertia that kept me  at home. When Kim was at home, I wouldn’t go out much, at most just a short walk, often just to the grocery store and back. I still don’t know why it was so hard to leave the house, but I’m getting over it now. I’m volunteering with some things that interest me, and that forces me out. I had a theory as to why it’s been hard, but I’ve managed to forget it, so I think it may not have been a good theory. If I remember it, I’ll mention it here.

Money is a constant concern. Babies ain’t cheap. We’ve been getting a lot of help with hand-me down clothes, and buy things second-hand like their swing and excersaucer when we can. If you have or are expecting a baby or two (or more) you may want to sign up for the various offers manufacturers have. The coupons that come in the mail help a lot. I just wish we were sent twice as many. Oh well.

Spark is wondering why I’m at the computer and not tending to her every need right now. She’s developed that habit of the past few months. Hold me, carry me, play with me, or I will cry, and generally make you feel like you’re neglecting me, even though you aren’t. But Kim is trying to sleep, so I’ll go comfort Spark.

I’ll try to update more. No promises though.

Now to find a pic to upload, since nobody likes a wall of text.

4 Months

It’s been a long time since my last post. So much has happened, and there’s no way I can fit it all into one or two blog entries. So I’m not even going to try. I’ll try to fill you all in on some, and make more regular posts from here on.

We’ve recently moved 1000km (about 600 miles) to another city, and a smaller place. I’ve taken a leave from my job for 8 months to look after the twins. The babies are growing and developing fine. How much have they grown? A lot. Here are two pictures of Silas and Spark taken just a few hours after they were born.

Spark after her first bath

Silas after his first bath

And now (in the same outfits)…

Spark and Silas at four months

I think that sums up how much they’ve grown.

It’s been a non-stop ride of feedings, broken sleep, small worries, reading, and a million other things. They’re just starting to grab onto things and interact with them (which at this age means stuffing what they’ve grabbed into their mouth). They’re trying to talk, but still have a long way to go. Crawling and walking doesn’t seem to be a high priority for them, which is fine. You can get all hung up on how they develop, or you can just love them and let them figure stuff out on their own. That doesn’t mean we don’t encourage them to play, crawl, talk, and so on. We just don’t worry about it. Or at least we try not to.

Going out in public is always a bit of a challenge. Feed and change them before leaving. Stroller or shoulder carriers? Do we have enough formula and diapers? Grab a camera. Change of clothes. And on and on the list goes. It’s all gotten pretty routine now, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not a bit of a production every time.

Once you’re in public with twins, you can count on two things. People will notice the twins, and nine out of ten of the people who talk to you will say a few of the same things. “Girl-girl or boy-boy?” We tend to dress them pretty generically, but that question has come up even if they’re in pink and blue. “My nephew/ sister/ old high school friend’s third cousin twice removed had twins.” I appreciate the need to connect with people through things you have in common. I just wish people would be a bit more original. Or the ones that want to touch, hold or otherwise interact with them while we’re busy shopping. I could go on, and may in another post, but for now I’ want to say that if you’re a parent of twins you’re going to feel like a zoo exhibit from time to time.

My writing is a bit rusty and I’m starting to rant, so I’m going to take a break. Besides, I need some breakfast before getting back to looking after the babies.

Talk to you all again soon!

One Month With Twins

May 23rd. One Month. I don’t even know how to describe what the first month has been like, so I’m just gonna make a list of thoughts and things.

• Lack of sleep. Waking up at odd times to feed/ change babies. Kim has had the worst of it with breast feeding and pumping in addition to everything else. She also handles it like a pro. I try to give her long naps when I can.
• Everything is so new. This is a mixed blessing. Some of it is wonderful and exciting, like watching how much they change from day to day. Some of it is mysterious and odd, like wondering what awaits you in the next diaper. Some of it makes you anxious, like when they get a little bit sick, and you aren’t sure how serious it is.
• Fun. Our kids are fun. Watching them kick around on the blanket for Tummy Time, see how the cats react to them, the funny sounds they make, their little quirks and so on. And to think we get years of playing with them as they grow up. Awesome!
• People reminding us that twins are special. Most of the time it’s the eat, change, sleep cycle. You get a little lost in the work. Then someone smiles with glee when they find out you have twins. And you remember that twins are cool.
• All the help from family. Sometime I plan to update this blog’s about page with a list of everyone involved. Most of those people are family. They’ve helped out so much, the best way I can think of to thank them is to raise the twins the best way we can. That and saying thank you helps too.

That’s just a snapshot of  what it’s been like. I go back to work on Tuesday, and I can’t imagine how much I’m going to miss spending time with the twins.

Thank you to everyone for their support and comments. Feel free to ask for pictures, ask questions, or offer suggestions about what you’d like to hear about. But for now, baby boy is crying for something, and Kim needs a nap, so I’ll see what I can do to make both of their lives a little easier.

Aquaman

Aquaman has superpowers. They’re not spectacular powers like flight, x-ray vision, and so on, but don’t mock him unless you have superpowers of your own. One highly underrated (and in fact, never mentioned) super power is that he can spend all day in water, come out and not be all pruney.

I have a lot of time to think while feeding and changing babies.

Mom with Spark

People have been asking for updates. And I’ve been busy. but today I’m not so busy, as Kim’s sister is in town to visit the babies, and she’s doing a little babysitting. This is a good thing. We may disagree a little about pointless things, but she’s a great person, smart, friendly, and active. All traits that I’d love to see rub off on the twins.

Aunt Holly Feeding Silas

And speaking of the twins, they’re both healthy and well. They had another visit to the doctor today and they’re all good. Spark is up to 3.62 kg (7 lb 15 oz) and Silvanus is 3.75 kg (8 lb 4 oz). They’re active, eating well, and starting to track things with their eyes. Some days it feels like they just got here, and other, like they’ve been here for years. I’ve given up on regular sleep, which could be interesting since I’m going back to work next week. Time has pretty much lost all meaning. It’s basically “Babies are awake o’clock”, and “Babies are asleep o’clock.” Which is fine. Having a life that revolves around them is not a bad way to live. I’m going to be sad to go back to work.

I’m having a tough time thinking of what to write about. Life is pretty steady with the twins, a healthy cycle of sleep, feed, change, with some cuddling and belly time to give them some exercise. Instead of writing, I’ll leave you with a few thousand words pictures.

Silvanus and Spark getting some belly time

Spark enjoying the day

More belly time

Life is good.

It’s Been One Week

(apologies to the Barenaked Ladies)

The twins are 10 days old today, and we’ve all been at home for 7 of them. Here’s what I  know:

• Twins generate a lot of dirty diapers
• Twins generate a lot of dirty bottles and related accessories

I know a little more than that, but that’ covers a lot.

I’m sure some of you are wondering how things are going. Well, They could be better. The twins have both lost some weight. Losing some for a few days after they’re born is normal, but they should be putting on weight by now, and they’re not. Neither of them seems to be terribly interested in eating. They’ll have a third to a half of what they should eat in a particular feeding, and lose interest in eating, and gain interest in sleeping. Or maybe gain interest in spitting up some of what they’ve eaten before sleeping. So it takes anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour to coax them to eat at least a bit more (rarely all of what they should) before changing a diaper, and putting them in their crib.

It’s frustrating. Multiple nurses and lactation consultants have been in to check up on them, but it feels like they don’t really listen to what we say, and that they don’t really have a plan. I’m something of an engineer. A problem solver. When I see a problem, I diagnose the cause, and apply the optimal solution. It feels like the nurses are just “winging it”. There seems to be no consideration of what may be causing the problem, just a lot of, “Let’s try this, it may work”. Yes, I know babies aren’t exactly typical systems, but it’s beginning to feel more like guesswork than medicine. However, I accept that I am a concerned father, and am not seeing this clearly. However, the next nurse to say something that feels like guesswork is going to get asked, “Why” very directly, and I will continue to ask it until I get an answer that I am happy with. And, “This worked for my fried once” is not really an answer. I want what’s best for my babies, and while I understand that they are trying to help, it feels far from best.

I know some of you may feel like I’m overreacting and I may be, but this is my blog, and this is how I feel.

On lighter news, we’re starting to find our rhythm. We’re all sleeping a bit more, feedings are going smoother, and life in general is pretty darn good. Everything isn’t doom and gloom. Kim’s feeling healthier, we’re eating better (here’s a tip, eating is nearly as important as sleeping), and Grandma is helping out a lot.

The First 24 Hours Home

I’m taking a few minutes away from my new life to write about my new life. Forget spelling and grammar, any minute one of two babies could start crying. It’s feeding time, and that seems to be the theme of day one. When we got home with them yesterday, they had barely settle into their crib, before they started crying. Why? Feeding time. So they were changed, fed, and changed. Then I ran out for some take out food, to fill a prescription or two, and to run a few neglected errands. On coming back it was more or less feeding time. Change, feed, change. Everything is going smoothly. The fist few hours, while feeling hectic, are good. The sun sets, and we unwind a little by watching a show. After changing and feeding, of course. Here’s my first tip: if you want to unwind, sleep. If you can’t sleep, then do something else. After the show, there was cuddling with babies, a bit more food for us, then change and feed.

This may sound like it was easy, but it wasn’t. The babies aren’t breastfeeding very well, so feeding starts out with washing and sterilizing bottles, prepping some formula, and twenty minutes of breast pumping. In addition to this, Silvanus doesn’t keep his food down very well, meaning we have to feed him a very small amount at a time, followed by some burping, and then start over. The first few meal times took over 90 minutes to feed the two of them. Since they are feeding every three hours, that’s half of the time. On top of this, because of Kim’s surgery she cannot move around very well, and pain is an issue as well. Sleep was difficult, and the babies weren’t the only tired and cranky people in the house.

In the morning, someone from heath services came over to check up on mom and the twins. Everyone is healthy, but could be doing better. She had some good tips for me for bottle feeding them, and some tips for mom for breast feeding. Some more feeding and changing, and a good nap. Which brings us to where we are now. Feeing (after recently changing them).

It’s time for me to get back to helping out mom, but I’ll leave dads with some advice. Take time off of work, especially if you’re having twins, and/ or mom has had surgery. Stay healthy. If it’s flu season, get your shots. Eat well, rest when you can. Plan as best as you can, and expect the plan to change. It’s better than having no plan at all. Most of all, enjoy what’s happening. Getting caught up in the work and lack of sleep is unavoidable. But that doesn’t mean you can’t relax and enjoy time with your new family.

This has been my first day at home with my new family. It hasn’t been easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.